Communication Breakdown
For the last week I have been trying to get a hold of my dad's brother. His phone is disconnected, his e-mail bounces and I fear the worst. Left a message with my cousin who is in the Army but it seems that he has misconstrued my lack of communication with lack of concern.
As anyone who reads this knows, if there are no earth-shattering news, even if you are my best friend in the whole world, I won't write. I don't send little emails and thoughtful notes. I love getting them from other people, and sometimes it makes me feel guilty that I am selfish, or uncommunicative, or that my friends will misinterpret my lack of yapping with neglect. Other times I get into a depressive funk that I definitely don't want to infect my dearest people with. So, keep writing me, it will take a year for me to answer with a 48k pure text e-mail, but eventually I will.
It turns out the "worry-about-my-uncle" chip in my brain was directed at the wrong side of the family. My mom's brother died Wednesday. Mom is still crying and is forcing my arm into taking pictures of him in the coffin. I hate, hate, hate taking pics of dead people, but I know if I don't do this, in her mind I will somehow be twisted and construed as part of a conspiracy to not let her see her dead brother. Tried to explain the concept of empty husks and dignity but she doesn't understand. She wants to see pictures and confirm he is dead. Also, his brood are my cousins only in name. They are a most vicious pack, I was there yesterday for half hour and it still felt like the last time I saw them: I was four and they circled me(six in total, all much older than I), offered me a candy jar which released a plastic snake while they all screamed at once. The snake didn't scare me, their bully ways did. There is also a nasty inheritance subplot here, that I won't go much into.
Today I get to go to the "funeraria" (funeral home doesn't quite cut it), take the pics if I dare and there is no one there yet, then go back to the newspaper, work a little, find my interview for the week, and go back to the funeral at 3 pm. Still debating on going to Copymax or not. Tomorrow I won't be able to go to Gilligan's Island, since my Mom's nerves are a little shot for me to be gone from the house at 7:30 AM. Look forward to seeing my bf this weekend, dont' know yet if he is coming Saturday or I get highway therapy on Sunday. Will see. Over and out, people.
For the last week I have been trying to get a hold of my dad's brother. His phone is disconnected, his e-mail bounces and I fear the worst. Left a message with my cousin who is in the Army but it seems that he has misconstrued my lack of communication with lack of concern.
As anyone who reads this knows, if there are no earth-shattering news, even if you are my best friend in the whole world, I won't write. I don't send little emails and thoughtful notes. I love getting them from other people, and sometimes it makes me feel guilty that I am selfish, or uncommunicative, or that my friends will misinterpret my lack of yapping with neglect. Other times I get into a depressive funk that I definitely don't want to infect my dearest people with. So, keep writing me, it will take a year for me to answer with a 48k pure text e-mail, but eventually I will.
It turns out the "worry-about-my-uncle" chip in my brain was directed at the wrong side of the family. My mom's brother died Wednesday. Mom is still crying and is forcing my arm into taking pictures of him in the coffin. I hate, hate, hate taking pics of dead people, but I know if I don't do this, in her mind I will somehow be twisted and construed as part of a conspiracy to not let her see her dead brother. Tried to explain the concept of empty husks and dignity but she doesn't understand. She wants to see pictures and confirm he is dead. Also, his brood are my cousins only in name. They are a most vicious pack, I was there yesterday for half hour and it still felt like the last time I saw them: I was four and they circled me(six in total, all much older than I), offered me a candy jar which released a plastic snake while they all screamed at once. The snake didn't scare me, their bully ways did. There is also a nasty inheritance subplot here, that I won't go much into.
Today I get to go to the "funeraria" (funeral home doesn't quite cut it), take the pics if I dare and there is no one there yet, then go back to the newspaper, work a little, find my interview for the week, and go back to the funeral at 3 pm. Still debating on going to Copymax or not. Tomorrow I won't be able to go to Gilligan's Island, since my Mom's nerves are a little shot for me to be gone from the house at 7:30 AM. Look forward to seeing my bf this weekend, dont' know yet if he is coming Saturday or I get highway therapy on Sunday. Will see. Over and out, people.
2 Comments:
Your friends do not NEED explanations, or words.
Your enemies doesn't DESERVE them.
Expression through writing is such a one on one baring of the soul, and writing is open to plenty of scrutiny, misunderstandings and criticism. I enjoy writing as it is a way to release my worries, or dreams, or whatever... Some is nonsense, some is too serious... All is written for my SELF. Whoever reads my writings reads letters to myself, and so can understand everything or nothing. That's why most of the time I don't care what people think of what I write, although sometimes I need to remind people that real life is somewhat different than written life. Many details may get missing in writing, plus there is no background for referense or a personal touch to answer questions... Whatever. You need not express yourself through the media that is your daily bread. I think you are very open, very different than what people seem to think of you... or even yourself. You are not weird, you are not aloof, you are VERY interesting and have MANY things to say, and DO many things with your life. You make sense in everything you do, and you enjoy life. You have a beautiful darkness within you, and whoever doesn't appreciate it, fuck them. You don't need words with people who really know you, because your presence even if intangible, is enough.
That's the inspiring moment of the day... :P
Oh, BTW, do not worry about Gilligan. Plenty of time to visit it. :) Basically it will be a " people from work" gathering, to influence good vibes and stuff... Me and my Gandhi universal happiness thinking... The thing is, you wont be missing much. ;P
By
Vierna, at 11:17 AM
i believe the highway therapy was a success. ;)
love you!
By
Anonymous, at 6:04 PM
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