Still tired. This is a week of loss. Now I learnt that one of my oldest friend's father has liver cancer. He was the one who drove me to my high school graduation when my mother didn't want me to go. He is one of my two surrogate fathers, the other being L's dad.

I am being avoided. That hurts more than anything else in the world. I try to remind myself that I really liked horror and dark fantasy before I met him. Now my interests are so intertwined with his that I can't enjoy anything: books, music, writing, computers, etc.

I must own up to the fact that I have a dependent personality. I am also an obsessive compulsive with a depressive streak. All of which makes it very difficult to function sometimes in a life that I am not really satisfied with. I am not a pessimist so therein lies my ultimate salvation. No matter how bad it all gets, I hope for the better.