L is in Puerto Rico, though I have yet to see her. She calls home and is already dragging her r's from deep down her throat after years of correct enunciation in the main continent. Hehe...Here is a list of diseases to look out for while you stay:
Quebranto:
Mysterious body temperature, not high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school and work. Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association and only understood by doctors of Puertorican origin.
Patatú:
An attack of obscure origin that can strike at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization, yet is undetected by medical technology. Victims tend to be males and females over the age of 50 years.
Sereno:
Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance. There are no physical symptoms and can only be detected by the Puertorican elderly. The effect of having this disease is unknown: children must not be taken out at night without proper head gear or risk of contamination is certain.
Empacho:
Digestive disorder which occurs after the consumption of a large Puertorican meal, (i.e. Nochebuena). The only known cure for this disease is "una buena criolla" or "dar una clase". (Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective).
Mollera:
Soft cranial spot found on new born babies of Puertorican origin. Much more sensitive than that of Americans. The slightest touch to that area can lead to irreparable brain damage.
Enfriamiento:
Cooling of body temperature and slowed metabolism caused by emotional episodes.
Chichón:
Elevated cranial protrusion usually caused by the fall after a Patatú.
Muñeca Abierta (Open Doll):
The dislocation of the wrist. Unknown cause, other than most documented cases occurs after an unsuccessful attempt to open a jar of "aceitunas".
Bazo (Cup):
Organ located in the abdominal cavity of Hispanics, especially Puertorican.
Aire: (Air):
A common malady that results when someone steps outdoors suddenly, particularly at night, without proper attire. Characterized by sharp, intermittent pain in the chest but can affect any part of the body.
Chochera:
A syndrome affecting all Puertorican senior citizens to different degrees. Characterized by all around bitchiness and irritating behavior.
Tratamiento:
Permanent stay at nearest nursing home.
PRS:"Puerto Rican Syndrome":
A severe form of Patatú. Usually happens when your son (junior) is arrested or killed and shown on National TV or Univision. Characterized by a complete failure of all your muscles of your lower extremities followed by a fall usually broken by a person standing next to you. A variant of this condition can also be seen when Yiye Avila prays for you and touches your forehead. Usually attacks fat ladies.
Cuerpo Cortado (Cut Body):
A frequent and mild condition of unknown ethnology. Symptoms include but are not limited to: Fatigue, lack of energy and chronic whining. Equivalent to the spleen in Americans but much more complex.
Moño Parado o Torcido (Twisted Bonnet):
Psychological imbalance of short duration that causes strange mood swings, violent irritating behavior as well as general unpleasantness. Extremely common. Can strike anyone regardless of age or sex.
Fuego Uterino (Uterine Fire):
Unexplained sexual deviation affecting 10 of 100 females. Symptoms include sexual desire that cannot be satisfied. The feelings are so strong that the physical attractiveness of the other person is of little consequence. Studies show that girls suffering from this condition experience many problems at home, however, they are quite popular with the opposite sex. They 're better known as the "Venezuelan Ninphos". No treatment has ever been successful.
¡De Repente! :
Leading cause of death of all Puertorican drug smugglers that get shot over 97 times. Also known as Acute Lead intoxication.
By the way, my mother and I are prone to suffering patatús. We tend to induce them on each other...
Quebranto:
Mysterious body temperature, not high enough to be considered fever, but serious enough to miss school and work. Illness is unknown by the American Medical Association and only understood by doctors of Puertorican origin.
Patatú:
An attack of obscure origin that can strike at any time. Could be serious enough to require hospitalization, yet is undetected by medical technology. Victims tend to be males and females over the age of 50 years.
Sereno:
Occurs when someone steps outdoors suddenly at night and is sprinkled by a mysterious substance. There are no physical symptoms and can only be detected by the Puertorican elderly. The effect of having this disease is unknown: children must not be taken out at night without proper head gear or risk of contamination is certain.
Empacho:
Digestive disorder which occurs after the consumption of a large Puertorican meal, (i.e. Nochebuena). The only known cure for this disease is "una buena criolla" or "dar una clase". (Alka-Seltzer is completely ineffective).
Mollera:
Soft cranial spot found on new born babies of Puertorican origin. Much more sensitive than that of Americans. The slightest touch to that area can lead to irreparable brain damage.
Enfriamiento:
Cooling of body temperature and slowed metabolism caused by emotional episodes.
Chichón:
Elevated cranial protrusion usually caused by the fall after a Patatú.
Muñeca Abierta (Open Doll):
The dislocation of the wrist. Unknown cause, other than most documented cases occurs after an unsuccessful attempt to open a jar of "aceitunas".
Bazo (Cup):
Organ located in the abdominal cavity of Hispanics, especially Puertorican.
Aire: (Air):
A common malady that results when someone steps outdoors suddenly, particularly at night, without proper attire. Characterized by sharp, intermittent pain in the chest but can affect any part of the body.
Chochera:
A syndrome affecting all Puertorican senior citizens to different degrees. Characterized by all around bitchiness and irritating behavior.
Tratamiento:
Permanent stay at nearest nursing home.
PRS:"Puerto Rican Syndrome":
A severe form of Patatú. Usually happens when your son (junior) is arrested or killed and shown on National TV or Univision. Characterized by a complete failure of all your muscles of your lower extremities followed by a fall usually broken by a person standing next to you. A variant of this condition can also be seen when Yiye Avila prays for you and touches your forehead. Usually attacks fat ladies.
Cuerpo Cortado (Cut Body):
A frequent and mild condition of unknown ethnology. Symptoms include but are not limited to: Fatigue, lack of energy and chronic whining. Equivalent to the spleen in Americans but much more complex.
Moño Parado o Torcido (Twisted Bonnet):
Psychological imbalance of short duration that causes strange mood swings, violent irritating behavior as well as general unpleasantness. Extremely common. Can strike anyone regardless of age or sex.
Fuego Uterino (Uterine Fire):
Unexplained sexual deviation affecting 10 of 100 females. Symptoms include sexual desire that cannot be satisfied. The feelings are so strong that the physical attractiveness of the other person is of little consequence. Studies show that girls suffering from this condition experience many problems at home, however, they are quite popular with the opposite sex. They 're better known as the "Venezuelan Ninphos". No treatment has ever been successful.
¡De Repente! :
Leading cause of death of all Puertorican drug smugglers that get shot over 97 times. Also known as Acute Lead intoxication.
By the way, my mother and I are prone to suffering patatús. We tend to induce them on each other...
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