Today's newspaper supplement talks about the average American's knowledge of Puerto Rico. Funny as all hell, outside New York and Florida we are a mystery. Answers to the most elemental questions include these gems:
1. "Isn't that Al-Qaeda terrorist (referring to Jose Padilla) from there?" -uh-oh, not good...
2. "I don't know anything" - Pa. engineer - middle of the road, patriotic ego desinflates a little.
3. "First thing that comes to mind are the hotels and golf parks.", Hope Mouhot, TN - Erm, hotels and golf parks are definitely SO NOT Puerto Rico, any tourist who comes here and golfs for a vacation definitely fucks his/her father...
4. "They have lots of beauty queens" - Sadly, this one is right on target. We live for and obsess about beauty queens. It is a source of national pride that a 100 x35 mile island has more Miss Universe queens per capita than the US and Venezuela. What's more: all Puerto Rican women are expected to look the part, ugliness and dishevelment are frowned down upon. At work, several times, I have been warned against showing up not wearing make-up. Combing your hair and wearing a neat uniform is not enough to wait on customers, you MUST wear lipstick and eyeliner or you are breaking the dress code. GRRRR....
5. "They have great coffee" - Damn right you have it, yipeee...
6. "Many have come to the US, 'West Side Story' said so..."- I wonder what else you learned about Puerto Ricans from 'West Side Story'...
7. "They should become a state and pay taxes..." - We shouldn't become a state (sorry, L. and please don't tell your Dad I said that, I want a safe place to stay when I go to Tampa) and we already pay taxes, we just don't fill out the forms. Actually, the person who gave this answer did not find any difficulty in annexing a Spanish speaking country to the United States.
8. "They have a U.S. Senate delegate who votes in Congress" - Sorry, off mark, he doesn't vote, he just make friends with others and tries to convince them to vote the way he wants to...
9. "They are not American citizens" - Way off, too. We ARE American citizens, we just don't vote for President. Next time I go to the states and anybody who knows I am Puerto Rican asks for my passport I am going to scream...
10. "They are on the south" "They are on the east" - Southeast, people, southeast, point toward Florida and Georgia and you got it. By the way, while you are at it, Rhode Island is northeast.
11. "I was there with the Army in 1950, all of the canal zone people are American citizens" - Erm, you mean Panama, right?
12. "Ask me about Mexico, I know more about that" - I am running off to cry my national pride out, it is enough that we never appear in cheap world maps...
1. "Isn't that Al-Qaeda terrorist (referring to Jose Padilla) from there?" -uh-oh, not good...
2. "I don't know anything" - Pa. engineer - middle of the road, patriotic ego desinflates a little.
3. "First thing that comes to mind are the hotels and golf parks.", Hope Mouhot, TN - Erm, hotels and golf parks are definitely SO NOT Puerto Rico, any tourist who comes here and golfs for a vacation definitely fucks his/her father...
4. "They have lots of beauty queens" - Sadly, this one is right on target. We live for and obsess about beauty queens. It is a source of national pride that a 100 x35 mile island has more Miss Universe queens per capita than the US and Venezuela. What's more: all Puerto Rican women are expected to look the part, ugliness and dishevelment are frowned down upon. At work, several times, I have been warned against showing up not wearing make-up. Combing your hair and wearing a neat uniform is not enough to wait on customers, you MUST wear lipstick and eyeliner or you are breaking the dress code. GRRRR....
5. "They have great coffee" - Damn right you have it, yipeee...
6. "Many have come to the US, 'West Side Story' said so..."- I wonder what else you learned about Puerto Ricans from 'West Side Story'...
7. "They should become a state and pay taxes..." - We shouldn't become a state (sorry, L. and please don't tell your Dad I said that, I want a safe place to stay when I go to Tampa) and we already pay taxes, we just don't fill out the forms. Actually, the person who gave this answer did not find any difficulty in annexing a Spanish speaking country to the United States.
8. "They have a U.S. Senate delegate who votes in Congress" - Sorry, off mark, he doesn't vote, he just make friends with others and tries to convince them to vote the way he wants to...
9. "They are not American citizens" - Way off, too. We ARE American citizens, we just don't vote for President. Next time I go to the states and anybody who knows I am Puerto Rican asks for my passport I am going to scream...
10. "They are on the south" "They are on the east" - Southeast, people, southeast, point toward Florida and Georgia and you got it. By the way, while you are at it, Rhode Island is northeast.
11. "I was there with the Army in 1950, all of the canal zone people are American citizens" - Erm, you mean Panama, right?
12. "Ask me about Mexico, I know more about that" - I am running off to cry my national pride out, it is enough that we never appear in cheap world maps...
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