As I said before, I spent almost all weekend with my boyfriend. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I considered two of the greatest philosophical questions that have hounded me ever since I managed to have semi coherent thoughts: self identity and the elusiveness of present.

Until recently, I had always described myself as a loner, misfit, who doesn't belong. A hundred other little characteristics derived from the ones mentioned completed the list of who I thought I was. I still don't belong, really, but being in a loving relationship and the little things that happen as a result have forced me to erase, reshape and second guess this very question of identity. I don't believe I have changed in the friend department, I am very comfortable with the kind of friendship I dole out. It is in the romance, sex and related business department that I have discovered a new me, who I am very comfortable with and doesn't match with the one I was before. It is very puzzling and surprisingly funny that the two merged and shifted so seamlessly.

Now, the elusiveness of present continues to piss me off. The only things that seem more permanent are family and sucky jobs. The rest, the fun times, that special quality time you spend with your boyfriend, those trips to visit your friends, the best vacations of your life, all seem too fleeting. Like Stephen King's "The Langoliers" all that remains is a discoloured past, that faint memory of a smell, the retelling of an inside joke that makes you a little homesick for the company of your best friend. There is no present, just the nostalgia of the past and uncertainty of what the future may bring. Sometimes wished life came with a remote control. But hey, dontch'all worry, I am really too happy to let this get me down.